Whats up wreckless people?!

Its been a minute. This is usually the case though. Im definitely working on making this blog even better than what it is so definitely stick with me. The other day I was speaking to my best friend and he admitted to missing my blog posts. Thanks friend!!! Honestly I told him that Ive been in a very angry/frustrated place and I didn’t want my blogs to reflect that nor sound like complaints nor me just straight venting. Sometimes you just want to be positive with your art. Its like that saying, “If you don’t have anything good to say then don’t say it at all.” My friend said that the things I was going through was comical and that sometimes its good to hear about my life outside of when Im on stage. I considered what he said and I gave it some thought but what really inspired me to write today was a blog post from comedian Judy Carter. I love reading her blogs and recently she wrote a post about effective speaking skills. I love how she encouraged her readers to expose their messes of their past as a way to create a connection with their audience. I even scrolled down to the comment section and read stories of what people have had to deal with and I felt relieved. In comparison to my issues, things didn’t seem as bad anymore. So thank you Judy Carter for that blog.

Anyway people, what I’ve been dealing with unfortunately there isn’t a success story as of yet and so thats why I titled the blog the way I did. I actually can’t wait until my mess is a success. Come on success! As my readers know, I am a new mother. Yes, my son is a toddler now so people would challenge the “new”. However,  I still wake up feeling like, “Who baby is this?” and “What was I thinking?” Everyday I am presented with new challenges and often times I ask God, “Seriously! What else?” So when it starts feeling old, I will refrain from saying I’m a new mom. Until then, Im new to this, not true to this!

Definitely after reading that blog it made me think of how I have been dealing with my mess until it becomes a success. I have to admit that currently it is a just a mess. I’m in a place where motherhood seems extremely tough and apparently people around me along with the standard societal view says, “SUCK IT UP.” Im not sure if people realize this but mothers have to take a lot of crap. Meanwhile, fathers can do one thing and get praised for it. It seems because the idea of father’s absence is very common, even if they see their child once a week, this is deemed as something positive. I have actually heard people say, “well at least the father is around”. Meanwhile I’m around twenty-four hours around the clock, feeling like life is sinking in over on my head, overwhelmed by all the responsibilities and all I get is people telling me, “What did you expect, this is how it is” response.

I wish this same response to fathers doing the bare minimum actually applied to real life situations like staying employed. If only your boss could say, “Well at least Aminah shows up for work, doesn’t matter if she is actually doing any work, better yet lets give her a raise”. Yeah no this will happen never.

So basically I have gone from co-parenting to single parenting in the past few months and even thought it’s definitely more difficult, there is peace in knowing that I am standing up for what I feel is right and I’m not settling for what I know my son doesn’t deserve; a part-time, selfie for Instagram/dead beat father. The same applies to how no parent would keep their child in a school where they felt they weren’t learning or thriving. That is a fact.

Anyway so things are a mess right now. I have family members disowning me, people shaming my name, and even worst, emotionally I sometimes can’t call it; I can be up or really down. In the past seven months, I have done several things that I’m not so proud of. I am bitter with this situation but today is a new day and I can finally say I have been trying to stay positive and turn my mess into a success. Here is how:

  • Focus

There are so many things I have to do. Im producing my own comedy show; get tickets here. I perform stand up comedy at least twice a week, I’m working on building my brand, I’m starting a podcast, creating youtube content, and on top of my responsibilities, I am a mother. If I even regurgitate my weekly schedule as a mom, I would exhaust you. With this being said, I am busy. Having a focus helps with dealing with the mess in my life. Sometime there is no room to dwell on life’s injustices when you have a little one relying on you along with dreams, passions, and desires.

  • Prayer

This has been a struggle for me. Often times I am quick to call a friend or family member to vent and discuss life’s happenings but it’s good to remember that God wants you to rely on him. So everyday I try to remind myself of my faith and remember that God will take care of all my worries especially if I decide to surrender.

  • Self Love and Self Care

You have to take care of yourself. Remind yourself that you aren’t your current circumstances and you love you regardless of what you go through. Doing things that make you feel good about you and nurturing yourself is necessary on a daily basis. I try to create time to take a long shower, paint my nails, or enjoy a favorite meal. Sometimes it’s the small things that are necessary to keep you going.

  • Laugh

This one often times comes extremely easy and I am very grateful for this. It allows myself not to be so hard on myself and take myself so seriously. Even when I take actions out of bitterness and pettiness, I can laugh at them and reassure myself that things will get better. I like to watch funny videos online, go to shows, and even read celebrity gossip to get a good laugh. It is important to laugh.

  • Seek help

Things can get overwhelming. A while back I attempted to seek therapy and then I put it off but this week I have made it my priority to commit to seeking therapy. Mental health is important and I realize things are getting overwhelming and to have unbiased support from a professional may be in my best interest. Whether you look for therapy or not, knowing when you need help is important so whatever route you take to get assistance is great. It is better to ask than to not ask at all.

I’m not perfect and I know I am doing the best I can. I can’t wait to share my upcoming projects with you guys and ultimately I know my mess will be a success because I want it to. There should be a desire to be better. As always share, comment, and respond in the comment section below. How are you dealing with your messes? Did your mess become a success? I’d love to hear!

Stay wreckless,

Aminah

 

 

Whats up wreckless people?!

Today I wanted to share some of the best financial decisions I made this year in 2015. Some people wonder how I even survive it in New York alone. It is a fact that New York is the most expensive city in the United States; everything cost. It has been almost six years since I’ve been here and often times Im trying to figure out how I have made it too. However through some good decisions, I have been able to save money and use it elsewhere needed.

  • Cell Phone service

Most people laugh when I tell them that I am not with a big cell phone company. Prior to coming to New York I was with Sprint for going on ten years. After a number of customer service issues and phone losses, I moved on to another huge company. My first bill was over one hundred dollars, I didn’t have unlimited data and the taxes on my bill amounted more than fifteen dollars. Finally I look into these month to month company who offered attractive data plans. Since then Ive saved over two hundred dollars alone in one year on what I would’ve paid to another company. I’ve travelled and I have no complaints on the service on the road neither. I won’t solicit a certain company because Im not getting paid for this but I encourage you to look into these smaller basic plans that still fit the needs of a cell phone you need.

  • Basic Internet

This one can be annoying sometimes because a lot of companies promote basic internet for affordable prices for only a limited time span but fortunately I’ve been able to keep my promotional price for the past three years. If you have the power of persuasion I have you can save hundreds as well. The good news is you can still save money even if you can’t persuade them to extend the promotion. Changing my service to basic internet was one of the best decisions as well. I am still able to stream and download at a good enough speed.

  • No cable

Now this is where basic internet comes in handy. Instead of cable I use hulu plus, netflix, and free streaming services for entertainment. Im not a television head so I know most people won’t be able to do without their precious cable. Luckily for me, my mother had us reading tons of books growing up so I never grew an attachment to live television. This has saved me TONS!!! I know friends who pay over $100/month for cable use. Nope!!! I put that money towards other necessities.

  • Unplug Appliances

Surge protecters are great for this situation if you have tons of things plugged up, that way when you leave home you don’t have to do the most to head out. But yes before I leave home, I make sure everything is unplugged; EVERYTHING except the refrigerator. Ive done research and apparently this saves roughly two dollars on your monthly bill but multiple that by twelve and you are looking at a twenty-four dollar savings yearly. Get with it.

  • Moderate Air Condition use

We get really hot summers here in New York and some people go without AC. Im still confused as to how that is possible but what I do know is that anytime your AC is below seventy-eight degrees, your bill increases by six percent. So with that said, I choose wisely as to when I turn on the AC and also when it is on it NEVER goes below seventy-eight percent. This is when it is important to not invite people over. lol

  • Grocery Store smart shopping

There are only certain stores I shop at. Between Aldi, Costco, Trader Joes, and local fruit stands, I am constantly comparing prices and saving money here and there. This one is a given. Take your time to be smart and save a dollar or two. Food is very expensive so even saving cents can add up on a weekly basis. Buying in bulk is cool if you have others to share but I find myself only grabbing few things from Costco but it helps.

  • Food Prep/Meal planning

Anybody spending money on lunch everyday is killing your pockets! Lunch in New York ranges from seven to twelve dollars a day. You can do the math yourself. I usually food prep on Sundays or Mondays and may need to re-prep on Thursdays. Taking lunch and snacks while Im out is simple when you prepare ahead of time. This is a huge savings on the pockets, so huge my calculator just broke!!! Get with it.

  • Home gym

Gym memberships are  necessary to those serious about that fit life. Im not that serious but I know how important it is to be physically active. Along with the long blocks I walk in New York, my apartment building turns into stadiums and a place for me to break a sweat. I run up and down my steps several times, I own a yoga mat, an ab wheel, and a jump rope. This is all I need and would use if I went to a gym. So given that memberships are as low as twenty dollars monthly I am still saving over two hundred dollars in gym membership fees.

These are only a few decisions I made to ensure that I am not swallowed in this jungle we call New York city. What are some things you do to save money? Share, comment, and question below:-)

Shameless plug, if you are living in New York reading this, Wreckless Wednesday comedy show happens this evening. Get your tickets here.

Stay wreckless,

Aminah

 

Whats up wreckless people?!

April is here already. Time never seizes to amaze me. I had so many plans and goals but honestly I can’t keep up. Did anybody receive a good April Fool’s Day prank? My friend got me and I didn’t even expect it. Honestly I thought we were to grown to celebrate but I took it well. She almost got cursed out.

A lot has happened. I do have to mention that I read an article about Empire being cancelled, which made me feel that much better for not even beginning to watch it. Are you guys going to miss the show? I was very tempted because EVERYONE was talking about it but I am on my serene consciousness tip so I don’t want to disturb it with Ratch.

I came to blog because I was very upset today. I mean I was able to move on and get somethings done but deep down inside I was super bummed out about how a certain situation transpired and it took the entire day for me to accept the fact I have no control over the situation. What bummed me out the most is the fact that Im constantly being tested; my patience, kindness, and generosity. Instances like today make me want to not be kind, generous, and patient. I honestly wanted to go off and say every last evil thought that came to mind but as they say when you know better, do better.

Has anybody else had a day like this? I won’t elaborate on details but these feelings can pertain to anything , especially when things are going good and then next thing you know heres the earthquake.

Anyway so my point for coming here and writing to you guys was to basically encourage and motivate myself and you to be better to ourselves. Last night I sat down and wrote a letter to myself expressing the appreciation on who I am today and what I look forward to. i also pledged myself to never settle and always go after what I want no matter what the circumstances may be.

I enjoy blogging and even though life can get in the way often, it will never be enough for me to give up. So I definitely want to share that to you all because I need to hear it again but also someone else does to. Patience is super necessary in life because the timing of things may never seem ideal but it is always accurate. This philosophy has given me peace and allowed myself to be more gentle to myself as well.

In summary! Happy April:-) Accept the hardships, embrace the pace, and write a letter to yourself every here or there to remind you of what is going on and what has happened and where you are in life. You may enjoy it more than I did:-)

Before I go I have to share a post I recently saw on Russell Simmons IG page. It read: Starve your distractions, feed your focus!

Stay wreckless people,

Aminah

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Whats up wreckless people?!

I can’t let the new year come without giving a huge shout out to an amazing friend and performer Shola K. Roberts!!!

This time last year I was performing with her in the African Dance Company, Kowteff and since then she has definitely been a huge light in my life. Not only is she a genuine soul but she is super passionate about dancing and intends to share it with the world. I’m not even sure where to begin.

A month ago I attended her Soca Dance class at Mark Morris Dance Center in Brooklyn and this happened. Check it out below.

Then after getting the groove she travelled to her hometown, Grenada to instruct at Conception Dance Theatres’ Diversity in Dance Workshop series, returned to “the states” and was honored by Caribbean Life Newspaper for their 40 under 40 Awards. Need I say more? Well there is more!

To add on to the awesomeness she recently partnered with Carnival Virgin to release a FREE 8 week workout series called Pace, which is happening right now! Along with the workout series, there are some classes happening LIVE in New York City this weekend! So click to purchase here! Who said the winter has to have you in the house eating ice cream and drinking hot chocolate? Even if you aren’t going to Carnival you better pretend you are and get with it! I know I am:-)

Aside from all of this excellence, Shola is a Howard University alum. So I have to represent to the fullest for this girl! So I dedicate this months’s SPECIAL SPOTLIGHT to Shola Roberts:-)

Stay wreckless,

Aminah

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Whats good wreckless people?!

Before the month of October comes to an end I wanted to write about something very serious. As many of you know October is Breast Cancer Awareness month but also Domestic Violence Awareness as well. Two important issues that affect women. I guess this is the two for one deal of knowledge, its like the upsale at the register, “Would you like some outdated chocolate with your purchase?”. Anyway two weeks ago, I went to church and the sermon was about domestic violence and you could tell this is a conversation that makes people tense up and get uncomfortable. Honestly being someone who has been personally affected, sometimes I would rather put the issue behind me and attempt to forget the incidents but ultimately it isn’t something we can no longer ignore and here is why.

#1 Fact most domestic violence incidents are NOT reported

1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime

Every year more than 3 million children witness domestic violence in their home

Without help, boys who witness domestic violence are far more likely to become abusers of their partners and/or children as adults, thus continuing the cycle of violence in the next generation.

Women are more than likely to be killed by an intimate partner than men

These statistics speak volume!

Domestic Violence is NOT okay and shouldn’t go unnoticed. After church from that same sermon I went to, I took a walk with one of my male friends and we were discussing this issue. He felt it was the woman’s fault for provoking men, choosing them as partners, and having their children. After this conversation I realized I have a huge task. This conversation is definitely necessary and shouldn’t be uncomfortable for people to expose this issue. In my opinion this was the mentality that promoted many cases to not be reported and for women to feel bad for being victims. Little did my friend know this was my story and for a long time I felt because I was apart of a toxic relationship, I played a huge role in why I was physically hurt. Domestic Violence is NEVER your fault. Plain and simple; LOVE SHOULDN’T HURT.

I wholeheartedly encourage any PERSON who is currently in a domestic violence situation or knows of someone who is to gain the courage to remove yourself or help that person get out of that situation. Break the cycle, create boundaries, and promote healthy love.

There are ways you can get involved and help the fight against Domestic Violence; Advocate, Donate, or Volunteer. Here are a some  organizations appropriate to assist you; Safe Horizon, NNEDV, and NCADV.

Break the silence,

Aminah